I know now that it will be a good year

So, I have been in Sweden for 11 days now and have loved every minute of it. Even the hard times I have had to go through to do things I didnt want to do to know I could do them alone. And I am alone and its an amazing feeling and I get to do it for a whole year. I have no obligation to anyone here and for once in my life I get to be selfish. I get to have my things, my feelings, and my life. No one I know back home will ever have seen or experienced anything I have here or known how special little things here have meant to me. To me that makes the experience that more amazing. This past year I believe we all lost sight of what was truly important. We all let the friendships/relationships that didn't last define us instead of the many we still had and had gained. I'll be the first to admit that through the friendships that I lost, I became paranoid about the ones I already had and knew deep down would last. Anyways, quote time from One Tree Hill,

" When Hansel said to Gretal let us drop these bread crumbs so that together we find our way home, because loosing our way would be the most cruel of things. This year I lost my way, and loosing your way on a journey is unfortunate, but loosing your reason for the journey is a fate more cruel. The journey lasted eight months, sometimes I traveled alone sometimes there were others who took the wheel, and took my heart, but when the destination was reached it wasn't me who arrived, it wasn't me at all. Once you loose yourself you have two choices find the person you used to be or loose that person completely, because sometimes you have to step outside of the person you've been and remember the person you were meant to be, the person you wanted to be, the person you are."

Through being here I have seen that every place is the same, just in a different language. Everywhere has their clicks and problems, you just have to find your place in the whole mess of it all. I live with Alexia and Pierre from France, Jose from Spain, and Mayya from Russia. We all come from very different places, but I believe we will soon become like a family. We have a lot of things in common and I found it amazing how we have been able to come together. Mayya speaks very good English and loves the boys, Pierre loves to talk about the American music and tv series, Jose speaks terrible English and it's hilarious for me and Mayya to try and teach him, and Alexia I have yet to really talk to or hangout with, but I hope to know her soon. I still have a lot of things to get used to like walking everywhere, the food, and taking a shower in the middle of the bathroom floor only to have to squeegie it afterwards. I won't have to get used to the weather, beautiful scenary, and having my own space. I know now that it will be a good year, I feel through this year I will finally define myself and not my friends and what they are or aren't doing in my life. All of us are starting something new this year and all of us are separated from at least one of our close friends. We will be better for it though. I know I haven't really been talking to many of you and it's not because I don't love you or miss you. I just feel I can't do it, because soon it would go back to what it was and I can't miss it more than I already do.

Fresh Start

So, I leave tomorrow to go to Sweden for a year and I'm having a lot of mixed emotions right now. I'm really excited, but I'm also really scared and nervous. Even then it's almost as I think about it like I get to start another life or get a redo for a year. No one will know me at all or know that I'm a twin and instantly start comparing me to her. That's what I've realized over the past week of thinking things over and preparing myself to go, I now no longer have the stigma over me of Erin and Alyssa. I am now just Erin and it is scarier than beep, but she has defined me over the years as I have defined her. Now that's over and I've realized that I don't really know who I am without her as cliche as that sounds. Even more cliche that technically I'm going to Sweden for a year to find myself, but felt lead by God to go because I don't tend to trust him as much as I should. We all know that I am the least likely candidate to move away to an unknown place with no friends awaiting, but even more to trust Him and know that he must have great plans for me there. I know it will be bad at first and I'm gonna wonder why I was so insane to move across the ocean for a year, but then it will get familiar and I'm gonna wonder why I ever doubted coming. A lot of my thoughts have been goin towards finding as good of friends as I have at ETSU, but I was talking to my Momma (grandmother) on the phone the other day and she was surprised that I was going by myself and had thought I was goin with a group from ETSU. She then went on to say " ya know Erin, I've moved to a lot of new places, started new jobs, and gone to new schools over the years, it's always nerve racking at the beginning, but eventually you make friends and it becomes just like it was at the last place." It's exactly what I needed to hear from someone that didn't know I even needed to hear it and since then I have just been worrying mostly if I'm gonna throw up on the random dude sitting next to me on the plane, maybe I'll just use some dramamine to knock myself out we all know how well that works for me, haha.
Anyways, I'll probably try to post something every couple of weeks on here and maybe some pictures too. Gotta go to bed got a long day and a half of traveling ahead of me.